A pregnant woman sparks a debate online

Woman who’s pregnant and after a one night stand with a colleague asks if it’s wrong to ‘burden’ him with the news because she’s found out he has a family – but some insist he ‘deserves to know’ even if she has a termination

  • British woman took to Mumsnet for advice after getting pregnant unexpectedly
  • The one-night-stand resulted in a complicated situation with a work colleague
  • She explained he has a girlfriend and is also already a father-of-two  
  • Commenters were torn on whether she should tell the man or keep it a secret

A woman who fell pregnant after a one night stand with a colleague received mixed advice after admitting she is considering whether to terminate the pregnancy – and if she has to tell the father. 

The unnamed British woman took to Mumsnet to explain she had shacked up with a colleague for a night of passion without using any protection and later discovered she was pregnant. 

She has two children and later discovered the man is also a father-of-two and in a relationship.   

The woman said that she was conflicted over whether to proceed with the pregnancy and the role, if any, the father would play in that. 

Her situation divided opinion, with some people insisting the father deserves to know ‘no matter what’ she decides. However the majority said she should make the decision about the baby herself, then let the father know. 

A woman took to Mumsnet after becoming pregnant with a colleague, to ask whether she should tell him or not

She explained that the man already had a girlfriend and children, something she wasn’t aware of before sleeping with him

Posting on the forum, she explained: ‘For context, he is a colleague who has a girlfriend with whom he has two young children (FYI, I didn’t know at the time he was in a relationship).

‘I know, protection should have been worn etc, but a drunken lapse happened for us both. I did get the morning after pill but clearly that failed.’

She added: ‘My heads a mess, never would I have predicted I’d be here facing this. I know I should just go get an abortion but I feel so emotional about that. 

‘I’m being unreasonable burdening him with this aren’t I? Or would he want to know, even if I do abort?’ 

A small number of posters argued the woman should tell the man no matter what she decides

She also explained that despite wanting someone to come to the clinic with her if she did have an abortion, she didn’t want to be seen as ‘needing’ him. 

She said: ‘Then part of me wants to keep the baby and I guess I’d want reassurance he wouldn’t hate me for that… 

‘I wouldn’t want support from him or to separate his family but as we work together (and the office knows what happened between us) so I wouldn’t want it to be a s***t atmosphere.’

In a later update responding to comments, she revealed she also had two young children from a previous marriage, and no familial support.

Other users were divided over her best course of action, with some people making it clear they thought telling him was a bad idea for everyone involved.    

Other posters argued the woman should first decide whether she wants to proceed with the pregnancy, then decide whether she wants to tell her colleague 

One person stated: ‘I wouldn’t tell him whether I were keeping it or getting an abortion.’

While another said: ‘I wouldn’t tell him. Not because I was worried about him being ‘burdened’ but purely because I wouldn’t want his views complicating my decision.’

A third person wrote: ‘If you’re not planning on keeping the baby, I wouldn’t tell him.’

Others, however, felt that he should have to face up to the decision just as much as she did. 

Meanwhile other commenters thought telling him was a bad idea, and claimed they wouldn’t even if they had the baby

One person said: ‘I would definitely tell him if you are keeping the baby. Your child will need to know and it will be pretty obvious anyway I imagine!’

Another agreed, saying: ‘To me, you need to sort what you want first before telling him. He may pressurise you to do something that you are not happy with.’

While a third said simply: ‘You should tell him’.

In a later post she updated the thread with a final decision, saying: ‘I’m going to seek a termination, as much as it breaks my heart, I didn’t want a baby like this which is why I took the morning after pill… to prevent getting pregnant.

‘But now I am I feel so upset and confused. But its not fair on anyone to keep this baby, especially as I’m likely to just lose the baby in miscarriage or after birth anyway. Thanks everyone’.

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