Dear Coleen: How do I tell gorgeous commuter I fancy her?

Dear Coleen 

I’m a man in my 30s and have never really had a serious relationship – just lots of short-term affairs and one-night stands.

My career has always come first, I suppose, but also I’ve never met a woman I could see myself moving in with and marrying.

It’s never actually bothered me until recently as my job keeps me busy and I have a good social life too.

But over the past couple of years, I’ve seen this gorgeous woman at the railway station and on the train commuting to work.

We started smiling at each other and making small talk while getting a coffee or complaining about the delays on the service.

I knew she had a partner though, as he was with her sometimes. But there was a definite connection and I think about her a lot.

To cut a long story short, it turned out my friend’s girlfriend knows this woman and told me she’s now single.

I haven’t seen her for a couple of weeks and I can’t get her out of my head. I’d love to get to know her better and even ask her out, but I feel so nervous.

I’ve never felt this way about a woman before and I don’t even know her beyond saying “hi” at the station.

Can you help?

Coleen says

I know it’s nerve-racking if you really like someone because you’re afraid of messing it up and coming across as a fool or being rejected.

However, I really think you’ll kick yourself if you miss this opportunity and I always think it’s better to take the risk of being rejected – you might not be – and, if you are, then you won’t waste your time wondering ‘what if?’ and can move on.

The next time you see her, try to strike up more of a conversation – ask her a few things about herself: what she does for a living, if she enjoys it, how she finds the commute and so on.

Also, tell her a few things about yourself. I think once you start talking and the conversation is flowing, your nerves will disappear.

If your friend’s girlfriend is friendly with this woman, perhaps she could say she knows you and drop in a few comments about what a great guy you are!

You could also search for her on social media and put in a friend request.

Sometimes I think it’s harder for younger people these days to connect in person because they’re so used to making that initial connection via dating apps.

If you really like her, try to make it happen. You might end up just being mates or it could be the start of a beautiful love story!

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