I fear my online hook-up set me up for blackmail…or used me as a sperm donor

DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD sex with a woman I met on the internet and now I worry I may have been used as a sperm donor – or set up for blackmail.

We were both very direct in our messages and made it clear we were looking only for sex.

We arranged to meet at her cottage in the countryside. She’d told me she was 40 but looked more like 50. I’m 42.

I parked my car a little way off and walked up the lane to her house. On the approach, I noticed pink baby clothes drying on a washing line. In the hallway were men’s trainers, and on a ledge was a photo of a man holding a baby.

We went upstairs to a bedroom where the bed was unmade. It was obvious two people had slept in it.

We kissed as we removed each other’s clothes but she wasn’t interested in foreplay. The whole thing felt rushed. During sex, she said she wanted me to climax. She repeated it a few times.

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Afterwards, she took the condom and left the bedroom, saying she had flushed it away. As I was dressing, I saw a man of around 35 in the garden. He seemed familiar with the place.

I think she saw this younger man, because she then ran down the stairs. She opened the front door and quickly closed it again. I don’t know if this other man was there for sex or if he was her partner. There was no sign of him when I left.

She is keen to meet again but I have been thrown by the whole thing. Do I go or not?

Could she be using me as a sperm donor? Is she planning to blackmail me? Maybe she’s a sex addict.

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DEIDRE SAYS: I am not surprised you were unnerved. I think your instincts are correct – she may have a sex addiction and so invites other men over for sex.

If she already has a partner, this might be an open relationship arrangement.

Or, alternatively, you are being used as a sperm donor – perhaps not for her but for someone else.

Either way, this experience has left you feeling uncomfortable. Trust your gut instinct and stay well away.

Please be careful when meeting anyone through websites. Take your time to get to know them well, virtually and in the real world, before hopping into bed again. Unfortunately, there are many unscrupulous people who prey on the lonely via the internet.

My support pack Love Online will help you think this through.

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