I feel so guilty over how I treated my ex — should I reach out to her?

DEAR DEIDRE: I BADLY hurt a girl I met 30 years ago. I see now where I went wrong and long to say sorry.

Is it ever a good idea to contact an ex to apologise?


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She was a single mum of 18 when we met – a lovely person and I fell for her hard. I was 22 but too immature to cope with a proper relationship and a family.

I messed up by going out drinking with my mates too often and not giving her the commitment and stability she deserved.

She met someone else and I went round there one evening and set on the two of them. Unbelievably, I even punched her.

I am now 52 and married with children of my own. She’s still with the same man. Should I say sorry or just leave well alone?

DEIDRE SAYS: It could be healing for her to hear how much you regret the way you behaved back then but keep it short and simple – and do it from a distance. I’d suggest a brief letter.

You don’t want to stir up difficult emotions for her all over again, nor risk her and her partner feeling you are harassing them in any way.

Then, forgive yourself. We all make mistakes, especially when we are young. My e-leaflet Feeling Guilty will help you.

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