I’m disgusted after my husband let his toxic mum visit our children – The Sun
DEAR DEIDRE: MY mother-in-law is toxic around children and was an appalling mother to my husband.
Yet he visited her with our children, who are four, six and seven, behind my back. He is 30 and grew up in an abusive home and was just one of her victims in the family.
She abandoned him and his younger brother and they were taken into care. I don’t want our kids to have any contact with her.
They hadn’t seen her since our youngest was born, when she insisted on coming to the hospital against my wishes.
I got home from a day out with my sister the other day to discover where my husband had taken them. I was so angry, I was shaking.
I know only too well the damage she causes. He said she’d asked him to and it was OK because he was there with them.
But I worry he would not protect them from her well enough as she is very manipulative and says horrible things that cannot be unsaid.
I am disgusted with him and I have to find a way of preventing her from being near my children again. She’s 55 and the idea of her being with them makes me feel sick.
DEIDRE SAYS: I can understand your outrage but she can probably still make your husband feel like a helpless child, so he finds it hard to stand up to her.
I’d say the most effective approach now is to tell him you understand he wants his children to see his mother occasionally but it can only happen when you are available to go with them.
Point out how he suffered at his mother’s hands and be clear that she is capable of being just as damaging to her grandchildren.
You can find support from Family Lives (familylives.org.uk, 0808 800 2222).
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