I’m shielding from Covid but I found out that my husband is having an affair
DEAR DEIDRE: FOR as long as I can recall, my husband has always worked hard.
So it seemed natural when he opted to live nearer his job, then return home at weekends. Now I’ve discovered he has been having an affair with his landlady.
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But I’m not sure what I’m most upset about — the betrayal or that he’s put me at risk of Covid.
He’s an IT engineer for a big company.
When he got the job, he arranged to rent an annex from a married woman and it was attached to her family home.
She is 50 and lives with her husband and two children.
The annex is large so another of his male colleagues stays there.
Even though his work is only an hour away, I know how driven he is so I accepted the arrangement.
We’ve been married for 18 years.
I’m 43 and he’s 45.
I’m struggling with my health and shielding at the moment.
It is the lack of consideration for my health that really upsets me.
During the first lockdown my husband appeared to change.
He didn’t seem happy and was pacing around.
One afternoon, he announced he was going back to his “other house” for work, saying the wifi wasn’t as good in our home.
When he returned, he was even more unsettled.
I confronted him and he broke down, admitting he’d been having an affair for more than two years.
On his recent trip, he’d caught this other woman in bed with his colleague.
It then all kicked off with her husband, who told mine that she’s been cheating for years.
My husband says it was the biggest mistake of his life then says he’s staying with me but disappears off to work and is still staying in the same lodgings.
He forgets I’m not healthy and he shouldn’t be moving around, never mind that I’m convinced he’s still cheating on me.
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DEIDRE SAYS: If you are to have any future together, he has to put you first and stay at home.
You are both at risk if he is freely seeing other people and travel should be kept to a minimum.
Where your marriage is concerned, find a moment to ask him whether he sees you having a future together.
If he does, then he will have to demonstrate he is committing to you 100 per cent.
If there are things you both need to change, find counselling via Tavistock Relationships (tavistockrelationships.org, 020 7380 1960) which gives online sessions.
My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? will also help.
He absolutely must check out of the annex and find somewhere new if he is going to return to work later this year.
It is one chance you are giving him.
If he messes up again, move on.
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