Internet Niceguy Posts Cringeworthy Ad Looking For Girlfriend

The king of all “niceguy” posts has hit Reddit, and the social media site has gone bananas.

A picture of a personal ad was recently posted to Reddit which features what the most unknowingly sexist person to have ever graced this Earth. The male identifies himself only as “the beast” and declares that he is now “more dedicated to find my true love more than ever!”

His search for a partner seems to include an online advertisement that sounds more like he’s trying to hire someone for a position than to fulfill a lifelong need for companionship. He lists off a series of “requirements” that seem fairly unreasonable even for the ones that can be objectively measured.

Let’s go over each of his criteria one by one.

“Age 16-25,” – Okay, seems reasonable given the likely age of the “the beast”, a name I will never tire of referring to.

“Long blonde or brunette hair,” – Seems somewhat limiting, but the man knows his preferences and is not afraid to say it.

“Enjoys sex,” – Well, c’mon, that goes without saying.

“Good in bed,” – Again, need not be said.

“Gives sex whenever i want it,” – Woah, hold on, that sounds more like a slave than a girlfriend. Also, it’s called “rape” when you force yourself on someone who doesn’t want to have intercourse. It’s kind of a big thing right now.

“No fat b—–s aka if you weight 120 or over don’t even think about asking the beast out,” – This will be both difficult to achieve, as even a healthy woman of average height weighs more than that, but is also hypocritical considering “the beast” seems to be on the chunky side himself.

“At least a 7 out of 10 on good looks,” – Ah yes, the old 1-10 objective measure of beauty. A timeless criterion.

“Caucasian only,” – Well, that’s racist.

“Must live in Sydney Nova Scotia or around there,” – The small Canadian town of Sydney Nova Scotia has about 30,000 people in it, so certainly not impossible to find a date there. But it is still unwise to limit that dating pool with a long list of requirements, such as done by “the beast” here.

The dating ad finishes by requiring any potential applicants to have “average to high income”, “smoke weed”, and “play video games.”

“The beast” is a “kind, generous, fabulous, and overall nice guy,” so submit your resume to apply. But only if you meet all of his requirements. Better line up now, ladies. This one’s sure to get taken quickly.

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