‘My cheating ex wants to try again after breaking my heart’

Dear Coleen

My girlfriend finished with me a couple of months ago after admitting she cheated with a colleague at Christmas when I was visiting my family abroad.

I was heartbroken and shocked, as I thought things were good between us.

We’d been going out for 18 months, were making plans for the future and I didn’t see it coming at all.

Last week, she got back in touch to say it hadn’t worked out with this guy from work and that she would like another chance to try again with me.

I know I should tell her to get lost after what she did, but I was in love with her and I still have feelings for her.

I’ve really missed her and haven’t been able to get over it since we split.

What I want to know is, would it be stupid to give her another chance?

My mates all think I’d be crazy to have her back, and my mum and sister feel the same. In fact, my mum has told me not to bring her anywhere near the house if we do end up back together, as she says she won’t be able to forget what she did to me.

What’s your opinion? I’m confused – I still love her deeply, but I don’t want to end up back in the same situation, feeling awful again if it doesn’t work out.

Coleen says

Naturally, your friends and family are being protective and what she did was awful, but they don’t have feelings for her – that’s the problem.

On the surface, yes, it looks like she’s got bored with this other fella, realises the grass isn’t greener and has come back to you with her tail between her legs. And if one of my sons was facing the same dilemma, I’d tell him to be very cautious.

If you are interested in giving it another go, then take it very slowly. Meet her initially to talk it through and see where you are at the end of that.

When any relationship breaks down, people are there with opinions and it’s hard to cancel out all that noise. And, of course, you’ll be worried about being seen as weak or foolish for giving it another go. But it’s your life.

Your friends and family might not trust her again 100%, but it’s whether you can trust her that counts.

You need to discuss why she felt she had to go off and sleep with someone else – obviously something was missing from the relationship for her.

You can’t just pick up where you left off – she has to earn that – and you might not get past the betrayal.

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