My fella can’t manage foreplay, let alone full sex… and it is getting us both down – The Sun
DEAR DEIDRE: MY fella can’t manage foreplay, let alone proper sex. I love him but this is getting us both down.
He can get an erection but the moment we start to touch each other, it disappears. He gets embarrassed about it too.
I have tried all sorts to get him going but nothing works.
He is now avoiding even going to bed with me because he expects to fail.
We have managed to have sex twice since we got together ten months ago and both times were ages ago, after friends’ parties when we were fairly drunk.
He is 24 and I am 22. I have read that it is all about confidence. Is that right?
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DEIDRE SAYS: Yes, it is. If he is having erections in the morning, everything is working as it should be and this is classic performance anxiety. My guess is he is inexperienced and has had the sort of upbringing where sex was a taboo subject, not to be openly talked about.
Encouraging him to forget these early messages can help.
Start with talking to him about how sexy he is, then move on to a relaxing massage where he can build up some good feelings with no pressure to have full sex.
My e-leaflet, Sex Play Therapy, features exercises that sex therapists recommend to build his confidence.
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