My married ex is sending me flirty messages and wants to meet for sex
DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER years of hardly any contact, my now-married ex-husband has started sending me messages – and they go from flirty to downright dirty.
We were married for 17 years, and most of those were happy. He’s 56, I’m 52 and our daughters are 15 and 13.
But the last few years were difficult, thanks to his controlling mother.
The final straw came when she ruined our holiday home plans.
We were planning to buy a nice little lodge down by the coast so we had somewhere to escape to on the weekends.
Our kids loved it down there and were old enough to make the most of all the activities.
But my mother-in-law kicked up a huge fuss, saying how selfish we were for picking the beach over our family.
At that stage, we spent every Sunday with her.
For months, while we were searching for the right spot, she would make comments and start arguments.
In her eyes, I was manipulative and forcing the family apart.
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In the end, my husband suggested we reconsider our plans.
I was furious — how was pleasing his mother still a priority at his age?
I still wanted the future we’d planned, so five years ago I broke our marriage off and moved to the coast by myself.
It was a bitter split, and we didn’t speak more than a few words to each other for years. I knew he married a couple of years ago — and moved, with this woman, just round the corner from his mother’s house.
But a few months ago, he messaged me on Facebook.
Initially, I thought he was trying to break the ice. I know our daughters found it frustrating we didn’t have a good relationship.
But the messages have got dirty, and now he’s suggesting he comes to stay for a few days.
Neither of us have crossed any boundaries yet, and I’m unsure.
He’s all I think about, but this could get very messy.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Tread carefully. Not only do you risk tearing his marriage apart, you could risk your relationship with your daughters.
You need to establish what your husband wants. Let him know you aren’t into flings and don’t want to go behind his wife’s back.
You need to make sure your ex isn’t simply turning to you as he’s unsatisfied with his current wife.
Only once you talk honestly can you make any decisions. If you decide to give this relationship a go again, make sure you can resolve your previous issues.
They won’t have simply disappeared.
If he just wants fun, then it’s a one- way ticket to more heartbreak.
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