Scared to give birth and I fear problems are rooted in my own traumatic childhood

DEAR DEIDRE: I WANT to be a parent but I’m terrified of giving birth.

I’m 34 and my husband’s 35. He’s wanted to start trying for a while and keeps dropping hints.

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I know I want to have a family but I’m scared and it makes me anxious.

Part of the problem could be down to my childhood.

It wasn’t happy and there were lots of rows between my parents which turned violent at times.

Most of their rows happened after I went to bed but I could hear what was happening.

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My mother often had a black eye or bruises on her arms and legs.

Nothing was ever said but I think I may have developed PTSD.

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DEIDRE SAYS: If your uncertainty about becoming a parent is rooted in a fear of replicating your past, you will need to work through this pain.

By running away from these feelings, I am afraid they can come to haunt you at any time.

Counselling will help you get to the root of it.

You can be a different kind of parent to what you had.

Having your own family does not mean you will replicate your childhood with your own children.


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I forced myself to sleep with my husband to stop him from leaving me

You have a completely different relationship to theirs.

Your GP can refer you for counselling and my support pack How Counselling Can Help, which I am sending you, explains more.

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