But he's far too charming for those labels.
The former Brazilian player has been called a fake footballer for creating a career out of zero talent for the game.
Now 55, Carlos was signed by a host of clubs, including giants such as Botafogo, Flamengo, Fluminense, Vasco da Gama and many other teams during a career that spanned two decades.
His astonishing story features in a brilliant new documentary by director Louis Myles and Irish producers Dr. Tom Markham and Rob Fullam called 'Kaiser: The Greatest Footballer Never To Play Football.'
The title stems from a nickname the protagonist earned because of his resemblance to Franz Beckenbauer in his youth.
His real name is Carlos Henrique Raposo.
Somehow, he never played a professional match in his life, bouncing from club to club while hiding his limited ability by faking injury the moment it dawned on him his secret might get sprung.
Kaiser's party trick was to manipulate powerful figures at each club and boast of his CV to Presidents.
A master influencer, he knew how to sell himself better than Steve Jobs flogging Apple products.
And in an age where there was no internet, who would argue with the dashing gent?
The likes of Bebeto, Carlos Alberto, Zico, Junior, Renato Gaucho all speak in the movie about the incredible tale that slips between fantasy and reality.
In fact, Bebeto once said of his former teammate and pal: “His chat was so good that if you let him open his mouth, that would be it.
"He’d charm you. You couldn’t avoid it. That would be it.”
Born in Porto Alegre in a neighbourhood called Moinhos de Vento, Kaiser claimed he was kidnapped at seven-years-old and brought to Rio de Janeiro in 1970.
He lived in Botafogo and was brought up by a wealthy adopted father and alcoholic mother.
"My adopted father was well off, but my mum was crooked. My mum was everything bad you could think of," he said.
"She was an alcoholic. That’s why I don’t drink. I have an aversion to drink because I had to live with an alcoholic when I was young.
"Life was tough because my mum didn’t want my dad to support us because she was too proud. I would deliver lunch boxes. I worked in supermarkets, all while I had to train."
As a young boy Kaiser fell in love with the game. It was only as he got older, he confessed, that he found himself being more of a liaison for his teammates.
"I liked playing football, but I didn’t like being a professional. I was basically a minder.
"I was at the club more to take care of the players’ lives and make sure nothing bad happened to them.
"How can I explain…. I’ve taken the blame for a lot of famous players. I was a football nanny.
"I was the one who got sponsors and cash advances for the players.
"Whenever a club president wanted to get rid of me, the players would get together and ask them not to because I brought a lot of value to the club. I bonded the group together."
Kaiser was having a kickabout in his neighbourhood when scouts spotted his talents.
"I was playing street football when two scouts from Botafogo asked my dad who the kid with big hair was.
"He said ,'That’s my son'. So they said bring him to Botafogo at 7am for trial. That was on Sunday for Monday morning. I didn’t even have boots. They gave me boots that were too big."
It didn't work out for Kaiser at Botafogo and he soon found himself at Flamengo on the advice of Brazil international Junior, so he claimed.
However, during a trial game Kaiser said he was mistakenly sent off instead of a player that looked like him, which got the young forward the sack from the Rio club.
At 16, he earned his first professional contract with Mexican club Puebla, only to be released months later without playing a single game.
When he returned to Brazil, he befriended the likes of Carlos Alberto Torres, Ricardo Rocha and Renato Gaúcho.
A renowned party boy who knew every promoter in Rio, he ensured his friends were given the royal treatment in the best nightclubs in towns, as well as introduced to the most attractive girls.
It was a clever trick with the aim of building a network of friends that could vouch for Kaiser and help get him short-term deals at a variety of clubs.
Cleverly, he always told his new employers that he lacked match-fitness and would spend the first few weeks training without a ball.
However, it was during his time at Bangu in the 1980s where Kaiser took his life into his hands, perhaps kidding someone he should never have gotten involved with in the first place.
The Rio club were owned by Castor de Andrade, one of the most feared gangsters in the whole of Brazil.
He operated an illegal gambling underworld and was a notorious criminal. Once during a league match, Castor chased a referee around the pitch because he wasn't happy with the officials' decision.
The fact he had a gun on display in his back pocket made his complaints seem even more menacing.
But that didn't stop Kaiser for chancing his arm. In a game he was asked to make his debut as a sub, he managed to get sent off before even coming on.
"I was injured for 3 months at the beginning. I was faking the injury because at the time there was no Magnetic Resonance technology to check it," he revealed.
"The doctor had to take my word for it. One day I was partying at a night club here in Rio called Caligula.
"There were no mobile phones then, so the late coach Moises, who played for Vasco, calls me (at the club) and says, 'Boss man wants you on the bench today.'
"I was like, 'It’s 4 in the morning. How am I going to play?' Moises replied, 'No, just stay on the bench. You won’t actually play.'
"It was a league game against Curitiba. Just as the players are waking up, I’m arriving at the meeting in the hotel.
"Then we go to the game. For those of you who don’t know, Bangu is often compared to hell because it’s 40 celsius in the shade. I did not want play in that game.
"After five minutes Curitiba are winning 1-0, then 2-0. After eight minutes Castor radios down to Moises telling him to put me on.
"And I’m dying. So when I start warming up along the fence, the other fans start calling me f***** and h***.
"Then I jump over the fence, start fighting the supporters and get sent off before coming on."
At the end of the game, Castor made his way into the changing room. Kaiser's teammates were laughing, teasing him that it was the end of his trickery.
"Castor de Andrade comes into the changing room. When he comes up to me I say, 'God has taken both my parents away, but gave me another father who they accused of being a crook. So I lost it and went for them (the crowd).
“But don’t you worry because my contract is up in a week and I’ll be off. Then he called the supervisor and said, 'Double Kaiser’s contract and extend it for 6 months'"
Kaiser, who had won Castor's trust in their first ever meeting by hiring two escorts to sleep with the mafioso boss, managed to avoid the gangster's wrath.
Another string to Kaiser's bow that added to his ruse was how he dealt with journalists.
He'd happily butter them up, so they could write fake news about him.
He explains: "So when I would come into the training ground I would greet all the journalists. I’d give them team shirts.
"I made sure the top players of each club gave interviews when the journalists wanted. So I went for 26 years without being found out."
Kaiser, who claims he's slept with over 1,000 women (often pretending to be Brazil's 80s football pin-up Renato Gaucho), divulged why no one wanted to out his secret.
"The players knew, but they were all friends of mine. The journalists… nobody was out to get me.
"And there was no MRI. I fooled the doctors. There was a time at the team I was playing in where they really wanted me to play and I had a dentist friend.
"The club president approached me and said, 'You never play!' I said, 'I have the note here and they’ve finally discovered what my problem is. It’s a dental issue.' It was pure lies.
"And at another club I played for, they brought in a black magic priest to perform rituals on me so my bruise would heal.
"They were paying him nicely, but I went up to him and said, 'Take your money, mate. There’s nothing wrong with me.
"Take your money and don’t bother doing your thing because I intend to stay injured for the rest of my life."
Speaking to SunSport exclusively, 'Kaiser' director Myles revealed how producers Markham and Fullam got him hooked on the project.
"Tom asked me for a pint. I was only going to go for one, but Rob, who I’d never met before, was siting there.
"He proceeded to tell me this crazy story about how a guy had blagged a 26-year career as a footballer, and did all this mad s*** in order to avoid getting caught.
"Like everyone who has heard this story, I said 'That’s mad. Someone should make a film about it.'
"It took me another couple of pints to realise that’s exactly why they had got me to the boozer in the first place."
Rob revealed: "I first came across Kaiser’s story in an article translated from Portuguese into English on an internet forum.
"I read the story in disbelief, not sure if it was true, false or just lost in a dodgy Google translation as the story seemed too good to be true.
"I sent it over to a couple of mates, Tom and Stefan, that I was due to meet in the pub that evening.
"The lads found the story just as crazy as I did and as we had our first pint we agreed that someone could make a cracking film about it.
"A few pints later we’d decided that despite the three of us having no expertise in the film industry we should make the film ourselves.
"We sat on the story for over a year, trying to find a way of tracking Kaiser down and finding the director that could steer the project in the right direction.
"It wasn’t until myself and Tom were over in Brazil for the 2014 World cup that we started to get some traction.
"Kaiser’s story came up in conversation on two separate nights out with Brazilian friends and we realised that Kaiser was part of Rio legend.
"We were pointed in the direction of a gym he was now working at in Rio. We arrived to discover he was engaged to two different women at the gym at the same time. This was our first foray into Kaiser’s world."
Myles admitted that a lot of what they were told was left on the cutting room floor because it was just too outrageous.
"Kaiser had us on the run around. When we first met him, he was a force to be reckoned with," he said.
"The first two hours were him telling us about all of his accomplishments, both on and off the pitch.
"Most of those could never see the light of day in a film as they were so scandalous.
"We went into it knowing that he was a fraudster, so it was on us to try and find out what really happened.
"The problem was that Kaiser had an influence over everyone we met. They seemed to come under some sort of spell when it came to gritty details.
"But it is understandable that people don't want their bad boy past revealed in their middle ages.
"We couldn't find anyone who truly hated him. Zico was affronted by what he did, but not Kaiser himself.
"In fact, you couldn't ask for better references. At first, we thought people were lying for him – and I still think that there's a lot of what happened that will never come out.
"But you can't fake the laughter and genuine love that these legends had for him. Kaiser came along to the Bebeto interview and Bebeto practically fainted when he saw him, he had tears in his eyes."
Alongside the documentary, the team have also released a book written by esteemed writer Rob Smyth.
And if that's not enough, the film's soundtrack, an excellent reworking of Kaiser Chief's 'I Predict a Riot' by Carolina Lins & Os Planatos, will be released through Tru Thoughts records the same day as the movie.
Louis said: "We decided to do the book after the second trip to Brazil, when we realised we were sitting on a goldmine of stories.
"We also have a song coming out, which is a cover of the Kaiser Chief’s “I Predict a Riot” by Carolina lions and Os Planatas.
"That’s one we’re particularly proud of because the idea came whilst having a few Caipirinhas on the Copacabana.
"Tom said, 'So the Kaiser starts a riot. He’s called Kaiser. The Kaiser Chiefs would love this!'
"So we found their details, naturally they loved it and let our composers cover it, while letting me tweak the words to fit with Kaiser’s story.
"Their one demand was that it had to sound authentic and like they had copied this version.
"Carolina Lins & Os Planatos did such a good job that it’s independently picked up a release on it’s own from top indie label Tru Thoughts, who’ve an amazing back catalogue.
"We’re glad that the film can finally be seen. There’s been so much interest in the story, but it still doesn’t necessarily convert into getting the film out there.
"Documentaries are a bit different to drama films in that they gain word of mouth and actually get seen more after a cinema run – so we’re looking forward to the digital and DVD release.
"We hope people enjoy the film, and that people buy into and enjoy the madcap world that was 1980’s and 1990’s Brazil. It would be pretty hard not to – great music, not many clothes and brilliant football."
'Kaiser: The Greatest Footballer Never To Play Football' is out in cinemas through Kaleidoscope Entertainment from July 26.
For details on getting tickets, visit their website.
The book of the same name is out through Yellow Jersey on the same day as its theatrical release.
While, Carolina Lins & Os Planatos' cover of 'I Predict A Riot' is released July 26.
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