Sitting in the garden of his London mansion, Simon Cowell is a picture of serenity as a whirlwind of activity unfolds around him.
Son Eric is running about in an Arsenal shirt, fiancee Lauren is showing an estate agent about the house ahead of its impending sale, while three of his assistants are tapping away on laptops.
Itâs the morning after the Britainâs Got Talent final â when Simon would usually be racked with nerves awaiting news of the overnight ratings.
But as he quietly nurses a cup of tea and his beloved dogs play by his feet, his mind is a million miles away from the day-job.
In fact, what we see before us is a very different Simon altogether. Itâs a change, he ascribes to discovering therapy for the first time, at the age of 63.
Simon says: âWhen I see my friends, the first thing I talk about is how therapy has had this super positive effect on my life. âI wish I had done this 10 or 20 years ago…itâs like a weight has lifted off my shoulders.â
Simon is so passionate about his new weekly therapy sessions, he immediately agreed to be the first guest on our sister paper the Daily Mirrorâs Men in Mind podcast.
The mini-series, in association with mental health charity Mind, will see some of the UKâs biggest male stars open up about their mental health.
Mindâs research found that a quarter of men said feeling embarrassed was the main reason stopping them from seeking help.
READ MORE Simon Cowell believed his depression was ‘just his character trait’
With one in eight men affected by mental health problems in any given year, the podcastâs aim is simple: To encourage more to open up.
Itâs a cause close to Simonâs heart. He wishes he had not left it so late in life to talk about his own feelings. The star says: âIf youâd said to me, âSimon, weâre going to be sitting down in your garden, talking about mental health,â Iâd be going, âHave I lost my mind or something?â
âIâm not a doctor. Iâm not an expert. But in my own way Iâve started to understand it more and done things myself for my mental health in a positive way.
âNow I am happy to talk about it to encourage others.â To understand why Simon reached out to a therapist, you need only rewind the clock back a few years to the beginning of the Covid pandemic.
He says: âIâve suffered from depression over the years, but I just thought, âWell, thatâs my character trait. I get downâ. And then I suppose Covid was the real catalyst.â
Like many people during the pandemic, Simonâs mental health deteriorated. He describes being in a constant state of anxiety.
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âIn the very, very early stages, some friends of mine got really ill â and Iâm talking really ill,â he says. âSo, I thought, âGod, if I catch this, maybe the same thingâs going to happen to me, Eric and Laurenâ.â
Watching the news only made things worse and he consulted endless doctors to try to work out how best to protect his family.
âI didnât know what was true or not, I just didnât have a clue other than I was petrified about catching it. Just petrified.â
Simon, Lauren and Eric stayed in Los Angeles for most of the year and Simon âdidnât see anybodyâ bar the occasional visitor who had to be tested for Covid before they were allowed to see him.
He recalls: âIâm just basically in my house, not going out and wearing masks all the time. Iâm not exaggerating, I probably was tested about a thousand times.â
To make matters worse, Simon was agonising over Britainâs Got Talent and whether to go ahead with filming in the UK.
The emergence of a new, more infectious variant saw him finally pull the plug. âI felt a lot of responsibility at that point,â he says.
âI just didnât know what was the correct thing to do other than donât chance it, donât risk it.â In the end, Simon did catch Covid. but thankfully suffered no ill effects.
But as the world slowly returned to normal, he knew he couldnât go on like that anymore. So he started reading up about ways to improve his mental health.
He explains: âAs things started to calm down a bit, it was almost like, âNow Iâve got to go from there back into the real world. How do I feel about that?â
âSo, I started to read up about stuff, teach myself. Then, fortunately, I met some friends who had benefited from therapy.
âAnd thatâs when I thought, âYou know what? Iâve kind of looked after my body through diet and exercise, pretty well over the years. But what have I done about my brain and my mind?â
âAnd the answer was, âNothing. And nowâs the time to do it.â âSo, it was almost like my head going to the gym.â Simon remembers the pang of apprehension when he first knocked on the therapistâs door and entered the room.
âI made the appointment and I sat down, really embarrassed and I said, âLook, I just donât know where to startâ,â he laughs. âBut within about 20 minutes it was as if Iâd known him for 10, 20 years. He put me so much at ease.
âYou realise youâre talking to a professional. And they donât judge you. They listen to you.â With the therapistâs help and his own desire to learn, Simon slowly worked through his problems.
And the two men even Âmanaged to unpick Simonâs unhealthy obsession with Âchasing ratings. âHe asked me, âDo you consider your best work to be the highest rated thing youâve ever done?âAnd I said, âNo.â
âAnd he said, âSo why are you judging yourself on that?ââ Simonâs response to his team was almost instantaneous.
âI sent an email saying, âThatâs it. I donât want to know about ratings anymoreâ. Itâs quite incredible because it now doesnât feel like youâre chasing something.
âYouâre just making something you like in the hope that other people like it as well. If they donât, they donât.â Sitting opposite Simon, and seeing him looking so relaxed, itâs easy to tell that he is so much more at peace with himself.
And before our podcast recording, he tells me he has now also stopped following the news. He has also ditched his phone altogether â so even the Phillip Schofield scandal blissfully passed him by.
He hopes going public about his therapy will encourage other men to talk about their feelings more. âThereâs nothing to be fearful of and no oneâs going to look at you or judge you differently,â he says.
âAs a kid, it was always, âDonât cry. Be a manâ. But itâs nothing to be ashamed of and itâs healthy to almost go the other way.
âWeâre not all made of steel and thereâs going to be times in our lives where we just need somebody to talk to.â As for those BGT ratings, donât tell SimonâŠbut six million viewers wasnât too shabby after all.
- Tom Bryantâs Men in Mind is out now. Find it on Apple podcasts, or go to podfollow.com/meninmind. For further support and advice around mental health see mind.org.uk
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